Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
