Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
