Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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