Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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