they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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