u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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