Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
