Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
