Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
