we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
