so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
