He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
