Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
