My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
