Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
