We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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