doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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