who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
third nipple confirmed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
