Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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