that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
