He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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