We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
