Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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