Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
