If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
