Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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