Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
