I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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