i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
