Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
