I heard we made out
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
