I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
