You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
