I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
