i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
