Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
soo... how was my night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
