1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
