probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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