I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
