You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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