alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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