I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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