I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
