I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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