Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
