if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
