I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
