shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
