ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
