I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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