I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
