At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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