So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
