Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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