Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
