So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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