Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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