I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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