I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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